THUDDD! Here is the House healthcare bill, the stated purpose of which is to "provide affordable, quality health care for all Americans and reduce the growth in health care spending, and for other purposes."

Based on all we know about government "efficiency," virtually socialized anything, and federalistic hubris, the real-world results of this bill -- if ever passed and signed into law -- will be to impose (not "provide") unaffordable (not "affordable") unhealthy (not "healthy") lack of care (not "care") upon all Americans (whatever "American" means on Capitol Hill these days) and increase (not "reduce") the growth (finally, truth, but more accurately: "massive growth") of health care spending (and an ever-increasing federalized state), and for other purposes (such as creating a permanently dependant citizenry upon whom power elites may divide, conquer, and enslave, as did the masters of yesteryear).

As you will see upon opening this massive 1,990-page document, the first page leaves blank the HR number. Hence: HR____.

I suggest HR 1984, in honor of George Orwell's famed novel 1984 and its warnings about Newspeak and good, old-fashioned totalitarianism, updated for the Age of Obama. Call it: Tobamatarianism.  

Fortunately, wonderfully subversive speech still exists, and we revolt against socialized medicine dictated by Washington-centric elites and their collaborators in media, on campus, in Hollywood, and in Russia, Cuba, and Venezuela.

And we revolt in the name of the Declaration of Independence (as written), the U.S. Constitution (as written), and the Bill of Rights (as written). And finally, we revolt on behalf of the Creator who is there (thank you Francis Schaeffer) and who endows human beings, created in his image, with "certain unalienable rights" and "that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

Meanwhile, Comcast Cable has dropped all Halloween programming and decided to present shocker readings of this frightful bill day and night. Scientific polling from the Capitol Hill firm Vampires R Us comfirms expected viewership is scared to death. Order government-approved popcorn here. All profits go to Pelosi and Gore, Inc., and/or other worthy causes yet to be determined.